The Prophecy

I'm not sure whether I believe that 'prophets' can effectively and accurately predict the future. I'm pretty much a new age sort of guy, I don't believe in the power of the pyramid. This sort of thing typically makes me roll my eyes.
A prophecy is generally explained as being a statement that tells what will happen. In this regard it could be said to be connected to fate. I don't believe in fate myself because I don't like the idea that I'm not in control of my own life.

However, the other day I 'prophecised' my Uni results...correctly too might I add. Does this make me a prophet? Was this just random luck or a well educated guess based on my sound knowledge of my educational ability and a knowledge of how my teachers would read my papers?
Whatever you think is irrelevant, as is what I may answer to these questions.
The main point I'm leading to here is that events such as these, although in different contexts, have sparked the curiosity of human society into believing and wanting more.

We see it everywhere, but one important example is that of John Edwards. You know, that guy who had a show on Channel 10 (Seriously) who could communicate with dead people. While not prophecising as such, it takes on the same concept that someone knows something that nobody else can know. A claim to access such information which makes people want more.
You see, like a prophet, John Edwards fills his audience with a sense of false hope. Whether his statements are true or not is something of personal opinion (personally I feel like there is someone out there with brown hair who agrees with me, however if you have Black hair then it could be you, sometimes my visions are blinded of colour).

I don't mean to be rain down on people's parade, but one thing I dislike is when people just follow orders, listen to information and believe it. It is something that has happened all throughout history. A little bit of hope, a little 'prophet' and the lure of a propitious opportunity pertaining to future events suck people in. Those people who really think for themselves have my complete respect. My days of blindly following orders are over. Every order I follow is because I'm making a conscious choice too, without interference of a pseudo exclamation.

I better be off, because my horoscope says I will be hungry after releasing an amount of energy...

Page 47

Many of you who know me have asked the questions -
"What is your obsession with the number 47?"
"Why is it in your MSN name (47)?"
"Why do you want to get that tattooed on your arm?"

The answer goes deeper than I have ever divulged.

On one level the number came to my interest through the cult TV show 'Alias.' I can't call it a massive hit because the producers only ever intended it to fit a small audience, much like Buffy. In comparison, Lost was meant to be the same but it became a hit with mainstream audiences.

The number was first mentioned in the first episode 'Truth Be Told' where Marshall creates a camera within a lipstick that takes photos and can measure space in 3 axis from one vantage point.
This was the first mention of the number but I didn't start to become obsessed with it until the episode 'Page 47.' Page 47 referred to the 47th page of a manuscript written by the late prophet Milo Rambaldi in the 15th century. The page, unlike all others, was blank, but it contained significant information. The key to reading what was hidden beneath was to use the Rambaldi solution the CIA had recovered. Spraying this over the page would reveal 'The Chosen One.'
Suddenly I became obsessed with the number and saw it occurring everywhere.

So at the moment you all think I'm a massive geek. But the conspiracy grows.

Google the number '47'.
The first search result gives you 'The 47 Society: An international interest-group that follows the occurrence and recurrence of the quintessential random number: 47.

It is an intriguing phenomenon. The number 47 lives, and I know, deep down in my heart the number 47 will have a connection with the day I die. It may be the 47th day of the year, it may be when I am 47 years of age or in the year 2047. I might even die at 47 minutes past the hour or 47 hours after being involved in a serious car crash.

The truth is out there and it is trying to find you. All you need to do is look.

The Coup

I've disappeared.
I feel like I have become, or am still in the process of becoming what I once swore I would never do. I haven't been able to control myself lately and I find myself slipping into old ways again.
I do not have multiple personality disorder. Nor bipolar. But I can feel something in me. The emotional part of my brain is sometimes there, and all powerful and controlling. Then sometimes it disappears, I become solely rational and the feeling of such emotions is non-existent.

I feel like I have been sucked further into a world where I do not fit in. The culture that is so ever present, one that I have witnessed is trying to entice me in.

I can't pretend like things have never been hard. They were awesome for a while but now that life is back into old routines I can finally see what it is doing to me - it is killing me.

I sit here now, pondering the existence of a better life. Not depressed, but so drained that I want to curl up and cry. It's a time when giving up seems a viable option and disappearing is something that will fix things. I want a life where I'm not working 38 hours a week, at Uni classes 6 hours a week, on the train 10 hours a week, trying to study to pass my subjects and somehow manage a social life. It is too hard to maintain. And my reasoning for this whenever anyone says I'm crazy - "It has to be done." But does it?

The burden of expectation is getting increasingly heavier. My health is being affected. Where once I could run five laps of the local footy oval, a 10 minute run these days leaves me out of breath for half an hour.

I have an essay to write that is due on Thursday. I have lost all desire and motivation to complete it. Why finish something that will get you nowhere if yo have nothing to prove to anyone? Why? Because it has to be done.

At the end of the day I know how things have changed. Looking back on things gives you a greater understanding of what has really happened. I didn't think I had changed that much since America. I only realised I had become less angry at the world. But I think it taught me that when I look after myself and stop trying to impress people or live up to their standards I'm a better person. I don't get as attached to things as I used to.

I'm taking drastic action in an effort to improve what is happening to me. You may not see me online much. I may not answer my phone or reply to messages. I don't even want to go out drinking for a while. There is no obligation to have to do these things. So if you are reading this, and you have gotten this far, know that these things need to be done.

And at the end of the day when you next see me, I'm going to tell you the truth.
-We all fall down-

The Box, Part 2

The second two weeks of this trip was the Adventure tour.
We got back to Los Angeles early in the morning and had the day to ourselves. I think by this stage we were craving some fast food so we went to Maccas and had a large meal. For the record our large is their medium. It actually tasted pretty good and we all finished it!
A group of us went on an LA tour through Venice Beach, and Hollywood, seeing the Hollywood sign and the walk of fame. I lost myself in Hot Topic while everyone was sightseeing the Chinese Theatre...oops. Bought some wicked cool tshirts though.

The next morning we left for Vegas and stopped at Barstow on the way. Barstow is just desert, with massive outlet shopping centres selling heaps of clothes at awesome prices. I bought two pairs of shoes, some shirts, pants. I think I bought more than most of the girls.
We arrived in Vegas at night so were able to see all the bright lights. It does look nice but yea, after two nights there I was over it. We were out until about 2am both nights, basically just looking at everything we could. It's so easy to lose yourself there, and a few of the hotels have painted their ceilings to look like the sky, so you can forget its night time. The hotels are like malls almost. Heaps of shops and restaurants, and of course the Casino's. If there's room for a pokie machine, they'll put one in. We also went Indoor Skydiving in Vegas. It was so much fun I'm ready for the real skydiving now...when I get more money.

After Vegas we left for the Grand Canyon. We stopped at the Hoover Dam on the way which is on the border of Nevada and Arizona. It's a massive dam built on the Colorado River and the photos I took don't really capture just how big it is. It's like 660 feet thick of concrete at the base. That night we saw an IMAX movie about early explorations of the Grand Canyon which was pretty cool.
We saw the Grand Canyon the next morning and took some photos, had a snowball fight. After which we continued driving towards Steamboat Springs, Colorado, where we would be staying for 5 days.

We shared Condominiums in Colorado. Six people in each so we had to cook dinner as well for each other. Steamboat was heaps of fun. The group split up, with half of us snowboarding and the other half opting to ski. It's harder than it looks and I hurt my bum through falling over. Might have had a minor concussion too from one fall. We also went Snowmobiling, Horseback Riding and took a sleigh ride to dinner for Michaela's birthday (our tour leader).
On the last day in Colorado I got my eyebrow pierced. It looks hot by the way.
I should also tell you about Australia Day. Since we missed it back home we decided to drink in its honour. I got so drunk I actually can't remember what happened for half the night. But Aussie Aussie Aussie - OI OI OI!

That night we left on our long trip down to San Diego, stopping at hotels in the middle of nowhere and small towns for gas and fast food lunches.

We visited Tijuana, Mexico the night we arrived in San Diego. We did some shopping but most of the stuff was the same. Bartering was fun though. Lozz, Angela and I were such a good team. Then we had dinner and drinks at Iguana's Restaurant. I can't believe I can remember what happened. We got a cool Mexican dinner for just $5 and drinks were so cheap too. Two drinks for $5. We downed Tequila Sunrises, Strawberry Margarita's and Tequila shots. Oh the Tequila shots. The bartender guy holds your head back and pours some tequila into your mouth, then lets you swallow and does it again. The he shakes your head, and repeats the process. Once you've had like 4 mouth fulls he picks you up and spins you around the dance floor over his shoulder. It makes you so drunk really quickly. I did it twice and yea that probably wasn't the best idea.
We went to the Horton Plaza the next day and did some shopping. More Hot Topic and we had Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream - the best Ice Cream in the world. I had American Pie flavour and yes it tasted just like American Pie!
We visited SeaWorld the next day before driving back to LA to fly home. It was sad leaving. I miss everyone I went with. Lozz, Kylie, Angela, Calvin, Ben, Misty, Krissy, Rochelle, Emmie, Jing, Vicki, Michaela and Laila.

Never gonna forget the fun that we had, the things that we did and the memories that we now share.

Tim.

The Box, Part 1

So most of you would have realised that I was gone for a month, and now that I'm back most of you are asking "How was the trip?" with my general response being "wicked cool, it was totally awesome."
I've decided to write about what happened, even though for the most part it can't really be conveyed to anyone. The few people I have tried to explain it to haven't really understood the meaning behind it, and so lives the memory of the greatest time in my life, alone in my head, and of those who I shared it with.


I went to America. An organised trip through ISV - International Student Volunteers - that aims to take Uni students overseas for some volunteer work and a wicked cool time. You don't have to be a uni student though so if anyone is interested go check out www.isvonline.com or ask me.

The first two weeks of the trip were spent on Catalina Island which is about an hour's boat ride west of Los Angeles. This is where we helped the Catalina Island Conservancy for our volunteer project. The Island has one main town, Avalon which is really small. The rest of the Island is mountainous and natural. Most people live in Avalon. The Island was quite arid, lots of cactus and it really looked like Outback Australia, dry and hot, even in winter.

Our accommodation for these two weeks was spent 20 minutes away from Avalon, at the Laura Stein Volunteer Camp. There were two large tents with 4 bunk beds in each, sleeping 8. One tent was the girls tent, the other had to be co-ed because of the large amount of girls on the trip.
We had quite an impressive kitchen with a refrigerator, barbeque, and gas stove. We had all the utensils we needed to cook dinner and had industrial sinks to clean dishes. There was no electricity up here so everything was run off propane gas bottles.
We had a fire pit at the camp which is where we spent almost every night. We'd eat dinner, talk, gossip, toast marshmallows and whatever else until we went off to bed. It was always freezing at night so the fire provided us with warmth. It was nice being outside. I really miss the fire.
We also had two flushing toilets and two showers- one indoor and one outdoor, with hot water. Camping with luxury you could call it.

So what did we have to do? We assisted the Conservancy with a few different tasks. There were two main ones though. We helped build 6 fences in 3 days (it was a record might I add). Thankfully this wasn't three days back to back because it was such hard work. Pounding poles into the ground, which was sometimes really hard, while standing on a ladder on a slope with a few people holding it. The purpose of the fences was to keep the Deer out of the areas we had enclosed. There had been a fire on the Island and the Conservancy were doing experiments on which plants grew back after a fire. The Deer eat the new plants as they grow so they needed to be kept out with an 8 foot fence.

We spent another four days removing an invasive weed called Fennel. I'm so sick of Fennel I don't care if I never see it again. It was growing around cactus so we had to cut cactus out the way, cut the Fennel at the base (it was dead but had to be cut and broken down) and then snap it and leave it on the ground so the nutrients could be absorbed back into the Earth.
It took a whole day to remove every bit of Fennel from the site we were working on.
The next three days (yes we had four in a row doing this) we planted native plants in the area. - California Coastal Sage. Yes I remembered that can you believe it. We planted 750 between the group which was heaps! Not allof us were planting at once. The ground was a bit hard so some people were digging holes with an Auger, and then others were removing the excess dirt from them with a manual hole digger. At the end of the four days though the area looked heaps better.

We also spent two days at the Native Plant Nursery. We helped clean it up a bit and transplanted California Coastal Sage from small pots into bigger ones so they could continue growing until they are ready to be planted. Basically we were involved in the whole process. We transplanted seedlings into bigger pots and then planted them into the ground.

We cleaned up a couple of the beaches on the Island too. Basically the wind and water current brings rubbish from the mainland to the Island and it gets stuck. We found heaps of Disneyland balloons and strings. We even found Wildman's Hut (haha). It's a story on the Island about a guy who mystery just walked into the mountains and now spends his life haunting people. We stole his cup and trashed it. Serves you right Wildman!

We had a couple of days off while we were working. Usually spent in Avalon washing our clothes and doing some shopping, quickly checking emails and calling home. On one Sunday though we went to a private beach and had an awesome barbeque lunch. Some people went Kayaking. I climbed a cliff and took photos of them Kayaking. We played games on the beach, including 'Whats the time Mr Wolf.' Ok don't laugh, we were all Uni students and we all just had a massive good time playing kids games.

That's the hard bit I think, trying to explain to people how good a time it was over there. I miss everyone I went with, the games we played, the talking around the fire, encouraging each other when we worked and worked and worked. Cooking dinner for each other and being like family. It was an awesome time those first two weeks on Catalina Island.

And to those people I went with - remember, you can't shrug a shrotum or shrotum a shrug!!

-Tim.

The Confession

Christmas - An Alternative view.


You know it's that time of the year again when suddenly everyones spirits seem lifted. There's lights on houses and front gardens are decorated, some nicely, and some like random droppings of horse shit. There's two houses not far from me, like 2 minutes walk, but the opposite direction. If you turn left when you exit my house you'll see a neatly decorated house with even fairy lights. It's tasteful, despite my distaste for Christmas (see later paragraphs). However, if you take a right upon exiting my lair, walk for two minutes, you will come across something that looks like the North Pole has been raided by those aboard the Black Pearl. While Donna Hay goes for 'quick and simple' these people have gone for a 'lets get as much shit and throw it in our front yard so that passers by have a psychotic epileptic attack when they see the bright flashing lights.'


You may have noticed I hold quite a negative view of the whole 'season to be jolly'. The simple truth is, I do.
The over-commercialised nature of the whole thing just shits me, and of course the Church loves it because it makes most of Australia look like they're celebrating whatever Christmas celebrates. You can me ignorant, I'm guessing it's the birth of Christ whoever he was. I think I read about it in the Da Vinci Code.
So suddenly items in the shops are so much more expensive because its manipulating the honest shopper. Hey bitch, I'm buying this ham because I LIKE HAM, not because it's going to be put on the table in between the Fruit Mince Pies and the Bon Bons!

Now, my family is not religious. My mother is of the belief that you do not need to be to celebrate the magic of Santa. Is she on dope? Santa is a fictional character created by Coca-Cola or something. It only proves a child's naivety to believe in such a thing as a fat man in a red suit who visits ALL the children in the world on one night to give them presents.
Christmas this year has presented an even larger problem, as I have refused to visit my mothers side of the family for Christmas lunch. Mostly it's because I do not want to see them, I have nothing to talk to them about. They're the ones who sat back whispering and gossiping while I fought my internal battles of depression. Should I suddenly walk through the door with a fake smile on my face and greet them all for the first time in seven months? I think not.
The thought of attending a Christmas lunch does not interest me. People sharing presents, all laughing and being happy. I can be happy without the fake bluestone of love.

Christmas is something that I see as being forced upon us. Dependant upon our parents' religion of course. Most of us, however, are raised to believe in Santa, to enjoy the Christmas spirit, and nobody ever questions it. So I may be one of the only people to convert to a non-Christmas lifestyle. I may look at this holiday more strategically than emotionally, but if you seek the real truth in this world, you could learn something from questioning yourself.

____________________________________________________________________________________
Tim is the author of this blog who believes that a present is merely the period of time we are currently living.

Spirit

This may be the last thing that I write for long.
Can you hear me smiling when I sing this song for you, and only you?
As I leave will you be someone to say good-bye?
As I leave will you be someone to wipe your eye?
My foot is out the door, and you can't stop me now...

You wanted the best, it wasn't me.
Will you give it back?
Now I'll take the lead, when there's no more room to make it grow.
I'll see you again, you'll pretend you're naive.
Is this what you want?
Is this what you need?
How you end up let me know...

As I go, remember all the simple things you know.
My mind is just a crutch and I still hope that you will miss me when I'm gone.
This is the last song

The hearts start breaking as the year is gone...
The dream's beginning and the time rolls on...
It seems so surreal, now I sing it...

Somehow I knew that it would be this way.
Somehow I knew that it would slowly fade.
Now I am gone, just try and stop me now...

You wanted the best, it wasn't me.
Will you give it back?
Now I'll take the lead, when there's no more room to make it grow.
I'll see you again. You'll pretend you're naive.
Is this what you want?
Is this what you need?
How you end up let me know.

As I go, remember all the simple things you know.
My mind is just a crutch and I still hope, that you will miss me when I'm gone.
This is the last song.

And will you need me now...
You'll find a way somehow...
You want it too...
I want it too...