Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Q&A

This blog has two components.
The first is about Q&A - Queer and Alternative. I really liked Thursday nights at a bar called Barry. It was awesome. The music matched what I was into. I could be a punk/skater and totally fit in, although I didn't have a problem with being different either. Sadly those nights are over. it's kind of sad to know that a place that was so much fun has gone. RIP Q&A.


I guess the crux of this blog relates to a different Q&A. The way we question ourselves. What answers we hope to find while diving into the deepest and darkest crevices of our mind.

I seem to be questioning myself lately. But sometimes questions can be mistaken for battles.
I've had a troubled week. Problems have arisen which have needed my attention. To deal with these I usually go for a run. There's something about it that allows you to think while not getting too angry, because excess energy is being released as you run.
I was running just the other night. Trying to figure out a pretty big problem which basically involved almost $3000 of my own money. While I was doing it I kept asking myself why I placed my trust in some people. Why did I trust them so quickly? Why didn't I qualify their trust? Then it lead to questions like Why do I always find myself the victim? I wasn't angry as such, but I was hurt, upset, and beginning to feel rebellious. I never questioned myself over why. It's been a mystery for three years, where these mood swings come from.

I guess in the end the answers all point back at me. Despite what has happened to me, despite the way I have been treated by some people, I still try to see the best in people. It has screwed me over before, and now again. I'm not referring to anyone in particular, so if someone is reading this and is worried I'll ask you not to be. I guess I'm someone who gets disappointed easily. I trust people, even though I keep an eye on them when they're suspicious. Without reason to suspect anything I trust people way too much.

The real question then becomes, is that my weakness?

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