Mea Culpa

I guess I have nobody to blame but myself. I had a realisation today maybe I'm not the absolutely fantastic member of society I thought I was. That's clearly a joke as I believe society has failed me and many others in my position.

While I can blame society for being homophobic and anti-non-conformists as well as hating young people and applying impossible restrictions and measures and counter measures to control the teenage/young people sub-culture (the list could go on), everything that has happened could ultimately be laid down as coming from me.

Do I accept blame? Does anybody ever accept the blame. We all use excuses. It's something we are pretty much taught to do. I can't accept that everything is really my fault, as society has created me. Despite no one having an influence on me, everybody has had an influence on me. the layers I've built, the people I've manipulated, those I have grown to love and slipped away from.
I guess there's a reason people shy away from me. I have an attitude, it's there to protect me and it is becoming more prominent. Don't get me wrong. It's a good thing and I'm glad that I'm standing up for myself more and saying what I want to. Like today, the Family First Party tried to shove a "How to vote for the Family First Party" pamphlet into my hands. I walked straight past them and told them "haha not a chance." It made me smile. Then, walking through the city this well dressed guy...I cant call him a punk because punks are cool, he was a hip-hopper, asked me and my mate if we had any loose change. Thing is he didn't just ask, he walked in front of my friend (backwards) and it was quite a threatening way to ask for money. So I said "HEY, we don't have any money alright" so he called me a fucking cunt and whatever else. LOL.

My other problem is I think I can get attached to some things too easily. I'm slowly learning to back off it a bit but it's hard when you find something (or someone) you really want and then don't know how to pursue it. Like, I was meant to meet someone last night. Their phone died and we never ended up meeting, so we both felt as if we'd been stood up. Now I don't know how to pursue it. Should I care if someone can't message me back as quickly as I'd like?

Actually this blog is completely off track from how society has made me but it could possibly be all my fault. Society as a whole is starting to become more accepting but there is a long way to go. I could be proud and stand up and fight for what I am. But society has suppressed me and I've come to almost like that. I dress in black, I get called an emo, I find it so hard to be honest with most people and to open up. I could be happy and open but that's what society wants. And there isn't a chance they're getting that from me.

I'm gonna fight, but in my own way. Everyday I become more sure of myself. I may not be who you want me to be. I may not do what you want me to do. But I'm Tim, and those closest to me know that I'll fight for them all the way.

-Tim

~Tim is a free-range blogger who believes that ultimately there is no I in 'mea culpa'.