Reckoning

Hi,

"You belong to me, my snow white queen"

That's another useless quote that has nothing to do with what I'm going to write about.
Well what's new? I've been sick. Still am. I hadn;t sneezed naturally in like 6 months and suddenly I was faced with a barrage of seven in a row for a whole night. It was like whoa what's going on! Of course, I still went to work. We are busy, I need money. Me and busy is good. Keeps my mind off other things!

Truth is, recent developments and events have put things into perspective. People have told me stuff. They're moving on wth their life. Operations to make sure they'll be able to have kids, friends getting into long term relationships, becoming managers of businesses and earning money, and becoing comfortable with themselves. Here I am. I'm alone and the number of close friends I have seems to be shrinking. For the most part of High School I tried to either fit in or shirnk into the background. Wanting to not be seen. I'm forced to do that yet again, because apparently I "sound gay" according to some 12 year old. So do I believe a 12 year old? Or believe the friends who deny it? Why do I even care? The answer is because I'm afraid of the truth. Because I am gay, and because after all this time I still can't handle it. I have friends who have already taken boys home and here I am still afraid to talk about it with people who know.

I think I know what's going to happen. I can already feel it. Emotions are being compartmentalised and hidden from the world. I'm becoming cold and heartless. Hatrid fills my veins with that which I cannot control. A burning anger that showed itself back in July/August. Lying dormant in the unconscious part of my brain.

So...since I kinda was just honest with the whole...no one who reads this, I've come to appreciate this blog as an area for me to get rid of things. And at someone in my last Uni class said this year, "Graffiti is the way, its the only way to get our message out there."

-Sark